WOW! It’s been almost one year since I posted anything here. What a rollercoaster year it was. Isn’t that the way nowadays? For so many of us. Days all a jumble… Some good, some bad… I believe my young family and I came out stronger after all the personal blows we have grown through and I feel like I can now really focus on the calling God has placed on my life, recognizing the pace I need to move at. What a wonderful feeling! God knows I struggle daily with being Christ-like in everything, yet the more I honour and worship Him, the more He blesses me with His love, joy, peace, and wisdom. The more I give credence to His teachings and plug into what the Holy Spirit is doing, the more I desire to do the right thing and generally have greater discipline in doing so. “Faith without works is dead.” (James 2:17)
Discipline is good for me, good for us all when done the right way. Right now I’m a full time wife and homeschooling mom to two very energetic little boys, cook-cleaner-personal shopper-administrator of our home /family, on-call nurse to Tristan (who was born with hemophilia), and also a part-time model and entrepreneur with a global business that generates up to a quarter million in gross sales annually. I volunteer at our church and have many family and friends to keep up with and take care of, plus personal stuff to work through myself from my childhood. I try not to forget about taking care of ‘lil old me because if we don’t take good care of ourselves, how are we going to take good care of anyone else, right? Anyway, how would I stay on track with all of those responsibilities without discipline? The truth is, sometimes I’m not as disciplined as I should be in the face of all I have to manage, and people and circumstances can fall through the cracks. It happens to all of us, I think. Ugh. How I beat myself up for it and then avoid the very people I know I’ve let down! I get into a defeated mindset. But I have been practicing greater discipline overall in my habits, and have grown to a place where I really believe I am called to rise up a bit higher, do just a little bit more. Practically, I believe this means being more lovingly truthful to so as to lift some others along with me, refreshing us to a new level and a new season of greater choice and options, where we can lighten our loads and brighten each other’s days. So many of us today need a great refreshing, the kind only God can give, truthfully. We are all so thirsty, we try everything to quench it, and we need only to be still and sing a song of worship and praise to our Maker. To be in nature and see His beauty reflected… To see ourselves through His eyes, uniquely created. “Be still and know…” (Psalm 46:10)
I am no longer afraid of who I am, or at least, almost. It’s been so difficult in my life to reconcile this physical world with the spiritual realm I was trained from a young age to be so familiar with. I haven’t wanted to offend people with my beliefs or to come off as “too Godly”. I’ve had difficulty reconciling my righteousness in Christ with being a model and a woman who wants to be considered physically attractive. I have been afraid to fully stand in who I am and put it out there in the world for fear of being unpopular or eventually put in chains (sometimes I wonder in this world…) for my beliefs. Jesus. Do you feel the weight, the depth of that name? It’s very utterance resounds within each of us. I know you feel it’s weight, which it has for many reasons. We live in such an epic time in history! Prophecy being fulfilled before the eyes of those who see! So many who do see are quiet, apprehensive, shy. It’s now or never that those who love Jesus and serve Him be vocal. I no longer struggle with showing the world more of who I wholly am because I know that as long as I’m ultimately defined in God, there is no other way than to declare Him while discovering who He made me to be. I believe this is actually our most aligned state. Awe and discovery, childlike faith. We each have the potential to reflect His nature uniquely, as God loves variety, and I’m becoming more and more comfortable with my own brand and what that looks like in the world. What a thing – to create in the physical what you envision in the spiritual. We all have the potential. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah 29:11)
I prayed over the angst I feel sometimes when I share my faith and I believe the Lord spoke to me and asked me, “Would you rather help a few people, or worry about offending the ones you weren’t going to help anyway?” So, I ask you. Are you afraid to truly stand in who you are as I have been? Do you know who that is? God does. He wants to talk to you, to know you more. He knows everything about us already, but it’s that relationship with us He desires, and that we desire deep within. That one-on-one connection that reflects the nature of the innate bond between a parent and child. He loves you NO MATTER WHAT and only wants you to choose Him over and again. My belief is that we must be in constant remembrance that we are the King’s children in the eternal, spiritual realm (while striving to love and be like the Lord Jesus, our fellow prince and heir to the Kingdom) so that we can remember who we are in this temporary physical realm which wars with God, and therefore us, if we are among those who seek Him in any way. The spiritual has more sustenance than the physical. What a wondrous thing to ponder! Unfathomable mysteries. God, to know You more. To be like You…
It’s so easy to fall off the bandwagon. You know, you’re chugging along and the all of a sudden you realize you’ve stopped praying as regularly or haven’t dug into the Word in awhile. Your (my) morning gratitude prayers stop and you wonder why you don’t feel right… Then you remember. Even when you don’t feel like it, you’re supposed to stay disciplined so you don’t stop. Talking about myself here, right, but really, we’ve all gotta stay on track… Read your Bible and pray everyday sort of Sunday School stuff that we seldom place proper value on in our busy lives. God actually calls us to “pray without ceasing”, meaning being in constant conversation with Him as we go about our day. (1 Thess 5:17)
Music is one way that I know I can be be passively renewing my mind all the time. Praise and worship feeds my spirit and soul, haha and even my body sometimes! Everything we put into us affects what comes out of us. Laugh if you want by current jam is “Your Love is Beautiful” by Hillsong’s Darlene Zschech. If King David danced, so should we all! Somehow when you get your boogie on in the Spirit, even just being silly at first, you just feel better/stronger. I mean but then there’s old school DC Talk, like “Jesus is Alright” HAHA! My guilty music pleasure is old school Tupac, Biggie, Snoop, etc. but that’s besides the point (and only for weekends away with Jeff and a little extra wine because we all have some things in our lives that aren’t necessarily the best for us – just keepin it real). My point however, is probably best summed up by CS Lewis who wrote, “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world” (Mere Christianity). One of our greatest challenges in this life is being eternal spiritual beings placed in this physical, temporary world who need to put ourselves in constant remembrance of who we truly are. Let us live more in light of eternity, friends. Crown on head, Kingdom to represent. Love and truth.
Hopefully it won’t be another year until the next post!
Love,
Ashlie
